The Meeting
After my 20-year-old daughter called two different pastors, we finally had an appointment to speak to one of them—not the rude one, not the one who crossed his arms and told me, “You are not welcome to attend here,” but the one who was brought alongside as a witness.
He started the meeting with a prayer that made it clear I was supposed to forgive any wrongdoing which I am, but forcing forgiveness someone else to forgive…is that really forgiveness?”
It was made clear that the other pastor would not attend the meeting, and the pastor I met with apologized on his behalf (sort of). My daughter did say, “That’s not really your responsibility to take responsibility for someone else.” Bottom line, I am “allowed to attend.” I find the whole situation repulsive, not of Christ. If leadership uses lies and manipulation – much less won’t follow any of the Biblical methods of conflict resolution – It seems their actions don’t match the verse-by-verse teaching they espouse.
Suppose a pastor is misled by a congregant’s manipulation and lies (since Calvary Chapels don’t have memberships) and asks someone not to attend based on those lies. What responsibility should the lying congregant bear once it’s confirmed they were not truthful? If an executive pastor gatekeeps information from a pastor and only gives his narrative, what’s the recourse? Shouldn’t discernment be a gift somewhere in leadership? Should there be heartfelt apologies all around, or should the hope just be that the offended party goes away quietly?
Now an overseer must be blameless and beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not addicted to wine, not [a]a bully nor quick-tempered and hot-headed, but gentle and considerate, free from the love of money [not greedy for wealth and its inherent power—financially ethical]. 4 He must manage his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity [keeping them respectful and well-behaved] 5 (for if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?).
Things I’m pondering