He started the meeting with a prayer that made it clear I was supposed to forgive any wrongdoing which I am, but forcing forgiveness someone else to forgive…is that really forgiveness?”

It was made clear that the other pastor would not attend the meeting, and the pastor I met with apologized on his behalf (sort of). My daughter did say, “That’s not really your responsibility to take responsibility for someone else.” Bottom line, I am “allowed to attend.” I find the whole situation repulsive, not of Christ. If leadership uses lies and manipulation – much less won’t follow any of the Biblical methods of conflict resolution – It seems their actions don’t match the verse-by-verse teaching they espouse.

Suppose a pastor is misled by a congregant’s manipulation and lies (since Calvary Chapels don’t have memberships) and asks someone not to attend based on those lies. What responsibility should the lying congregant bear once it’s confirmed they were not truthful? If an executive pastor gatekeeps information from a pastor and only gives his narrative, what’s the recourse? Shouldn’t discernment be a gift somewhere in leadership? Should there be heartfelt apologies all around, or should the hope just be that the offended party goes away quietly?

Now an overseer must be blameless and beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³ not addicted to wine, not ^[a]a bully nor quick-tempered and hot-headed, but gentle and considerate, free from the love of money [not greedy for wealth and its inherent power—financially ethical]. ⁴ He must manage his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity [keeping them respectful and well-behaved] ⁵ (for if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?).

Things I’m pondering

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In Jeremiah 7, God says, ” 2 j“Stand in the gate of the Lord’s house, and proclaim there this word, and say, Hear the word of the Lord, all you men of Judah who enter these gates to worship the Lord. 3 Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: ^kAmend your ways and your deeds, and I will let you dwell in this place. 4 ^lDo not trust in these deceptive words: ‘This is the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord.’ “For if you truly ^mamend your ways and your deeds, if you truly ⁿexecute justice one with another, 6 if you ⁿdo not oppress the sojourner, the fatherless, or the widow, ^mor shed innocent blood in this place, ^oand if you do not go after other gods to your own harm, 7 ^pthen I will let you dwell in this place, ^qin the land that I gave of old to your fathers forever.
8 “Behold, you trust in deceptive words to no avail. 9 ^rWill you steal, murder, commit adultery, ^sswear falsely, ^tmake offerings to Baal, ^oand go after other gods that you have not known, 10 and then come and stand before me in this house, ^uwhich is called by my name, and say, ‘We are delivered!’—only to go on doing all these abominations? 11 ^vHas this house, ^uwhich is called by my name, ^wbecome a den of robbers in your eyes? Behold, I myself have seen it, declares the Lord. 12 Go now to ^xmy place that was in Shiloh, ^ywhere I made my name dwell at first, and ^zsee what I did to it because of the evil of my people Israel. 13 And now, because you have done all these things, declares the Lord, and ^awhen I spoke to you persistently you did not listen, and ^bwhen I called you, you did not answer, 14 therefore I will do to ^cthe house ^uthat is called by my name, and in which you trust, and to the place that I gave to you and to your fathers, ^zas I did to Shiloh. 15 ^cAnd I will cast you out of my sight, ^das I cast out all your kinsmen, all the offspring of ^eEphraim.
16 “As for you, ^fdo not pray for this people, or lift up a cry or prayer for them, and do not intercede with me, for I will not hear you.

www.esv.org

When Jesus flipped tables and was angry – it wasn’t because there was a marketplace, it was because the marketplace was mocking worship and twisting the needs of the people into greed of the marketplace. God wants us to be productive and wise business owners. He does not want his people taken advantage of….I’m again wondering the purpose of of platforms, is it for individuals or is it for the Kingdom? If you are a shepherd and don’t shepherd your people, what are you really?

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²⁷ Now you [collectively] are Christ’s body, and individually [you are] members of it [each with his own special purpose and function]. ²⁸ So God has appointed and placed in the church [for His own use]: first apostles [chosen by Christ], second prophets [those who foretell the future, those who speak a new message from God to the people], third teachers, then those who work miracles, then those with the gifts of healings, the helpers, the administrators, and speakers in various kinds of [unknown] tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Are all workers of miracles? ³⁰ Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? ³¹ But earnestly desire and strive for the greater gifts [if acquiring them is going to be your goal]. And yet I will show you a still more excellent way [one of the choicest graces and the highest of them all: unselfish love].

Paul also talks about counseling: “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

The biblical counseling method utilizes the scripture as the source of magnifying glass that walks along as a guide on the side by focusing the individual pointing to Christ as the source of hope of healing.

Leadership and Counselors: What safe place do you offer? God? Or living in their painful past?

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There have been no disruptions. I’ve looked up disruptions in the Bible, and the only thing I see is when the demon-filled girl was following Paul, and he demanded the spirit to leave. I see a lot about peace; I see specific sins called out by Paul. But I don’t see an example of someone being offended that someone else was at church and they were asked to leave. Here’s what I do see.

In Corinthians, “Let all things be done decently and in order.” (I hardly see being stopped literally at the door and told you aren’t welcome being decent or in order.)

Humble Service in the Body of Christ

³ For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. ⁴ For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. ⁶ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your^[a] faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,^[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.^[c] Do not be conceited.

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[d] says the Lord. 

I want to make sure I am not seeking revenge but clarity. I seek to ensure that someone younger in the faith isn’t turned away in a spiritually abusive manner. I also think this particular leader is so intertwined that he is controlling the narrative in a very unhealthy manner. I think that needs to be exposed for the safety of the church community.

I am praying for the following:

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Another thing I am seeing on social media is some pastors building a platform about themselves or their ministry, not the Word. Even in verse-by-verse churches, you see this.

Is it all narcissism? I don’t think so, but I do think the Biblical concept of pride applies….

Proverbs 16: 5 Everyone proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord;
Though they join ^[d]forces, none will go unpunished.

Proverbs 3:32 For the devious are repulsive to the LORD; But His private counsel is with the upright [those with spiritual integrity and moral courage].

Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips are extremely disgusting to the LORD, But those who deal faithfully are His delight.

I think if Paul saw a church that not only allowed a person involved in ministry to spread lies but also participated in spreading them with leadership, there would be a letter. Oh, wait. Maybe this is already covered.

Ephesians 4 ²⁵ Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. ²⁶ “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, ²⁷ nor give ^[g]place to the devil. ²⁸ Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. ²⁹ Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary ^[h]edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, ^[i]clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ³² And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

“The moment a structure begins to promote itself, it has violated the nature of Christ and has drunk the poison of its death.”
― Gayle D. Erwin, The Jesus Style

Church Leadership – are you building your own kingdom or God’s Kingdom?

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I love word studies. Because there have been varying shades of truth in this situation, I wanted to see if the Bible defines Truth.

The Greek word for Truth is aletheia, which refers to “divine revelation” and is related to a word that means “what can’t be hidden.” It defines the concept that truth is always there, always open and available for all to see, with nothing hidden or obscured.

Exodus 20:16 says You shall not testify falsely [that is, lie, withhold, or manipulate the truth] against your neighbor (any person).

In John, Jesus says, “I am the [only] Way [to God] and the [real] Truth and the [real] Life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.

Church leadership in your zeal to defend an action, if you have to misrepresent the truth, even one shade. If you have to manipulate the narrative, you become the issue. Biblical repentance and humbly revealing the truth is necessary.

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Even if you have been slandered, mistreated, and shamed by someone in authority at a church, while it is normal to feel hurt and angry, we must let God fight this battle. I personally want to rain fire down, but I’m told in the Old Testament that I only need to be still and let God fight the battle for me.

I do think it’s interesting to note that while God requires me to forgive, he requires me to repent to receive His forgiveness. Less-than-honorable leadership in the church doesn’t require them to repent to me for me to forgive, but spiritual repentance requires a complete turning away from unbiblical behavior. If they don’t, that’s when we get to shake the dust and treat them as unbelievers.

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Let me also say that I believe the modern-day Church is still applicable today. I know that each of us in a church is a fallible human. So, I’m going to start with the Biblical principles of a church. First, it’s always used as a group of believers (i.e., Christians). In Corinthians 1:2, it’s referred to as a local congregation; in Ephesians 1, it’s referred to as the entirety of the people of God, when Jesus was referred to as “the head over all things to the church, which is his body.”

Roles in the leadership of the church. Jesus is the founder, chairman of the board, executive officer, managing partner, etc. The Bible was written under his authority. He made the rules. Pastors are the tenders of the flock, the shepherds, the teachers.

I personally love the Amplified version of the Bible – to me, it’s a great place to start my research, then I like going to the NKJV, and finally the ESV. Here is what the amplified says about Elders

“This is a faithful and trustworthy saying: if any man [eagerly] seeks the office of ^[a]overseer (bishop, superintendent), he desires an excellent task. ² Now an overseer must be blameless and beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³ not addicted to wine, not ^[b]a bully nor quick-tempered and hot-headed, but gentle and considerate, free from the love of money [not greedy for wealth and its inherent power—financially ethical]. ⁴ He must manage his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity [keeping them respectful and well-behaved] ⁵ (for if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?). ⁶ and He must not be a new convert, so that he will not [behave stupidly and] become conceited [by appointment to this high office] and fall into the [same] condemnation incurred by the devil [for his arrogance and pride]. ⁷ And he must have a good reputation and be well thought of by those outside the church, so that he will not be discredited and fall into the devil’s trap.”

I Timothy 3

And here’s what it says about deacons

^8 [c]Deacons likewise must be men worthy of respect [honorable, financially ethical, of good character], not double-tongued [speakers of half-truths], not addicted to wine, not greedy for dishonest gain, ⁹ but upholding and fully understanding the mystery [that is, the true doctrine] of the [Christian] faith with a clear conscience [resulting from behavior consistent with spiritual maturity]. ¹⁰ These men must first be tested; then if they are found to be blameless and beyond reproach [in their Christian lives], let them serve as deacons. ^11 [d]Women must likewise be worthy of respect, not malicious gossips, but self-controlled, [thoroughly] trustworthy in all things. ¹² Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, and good managers of their children and their own households. ¹³ For those who have served well as deacons gain a high standing [having a good reputation among the congregation], and great confidence in the faith which is [founded on and centered] in Christ Jesus.

1 Timothy 3:8-13

What happens when leadership has a failure? It’s not a moral failure per se, but what happens when leadership is bullyish, tells half-truths, is a respecter of persons, or plays favorites? What is the average church attendee’s recourse?

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